- Joined
- 29 Jun 2012
- Messages
- 2,693
- Reaction score
- 1,038
- Points
- 1,355
As we dont have a shout box here, I thought I'd kick start something dear to my heart......
I've just joined a site after seeing a pop up saying 'Meet Lots Of Women In Your Area For Sex Tonight'
The next stage of the application said 'Please Choose: 18-25, 26-33, 34-42, 43-49, Over 50'
I've gone for 43-49 women, over 50 is just being greedy.
Since my mate became a mime, I've not heard from him.
I tried to start a VD clinic from scratch.
Can't believe my Dad was arrested for stealing whilst working as a lolly pop man. Should have known really all the signs were there.
I used to sell chairs....(whispers) under the table.
I was at the baths today & decided to have a sneaky piss in the deep end. The life-guard must have noticed, he blew his whistle so ****ing loud I nearly fell in!!
Just been to the gym. They've got a new machine in. Only used it for half an hour as I started to feel sick. It's great though. It does everything - KitKats, Mars bars, Snickers, Crisps, the lot.
Nintendo are bringing out a game where a 10 year old boy runs around the streets of Glasgow smashing cars, stabbing people & robbing houses. 'Wii Bastard' is due for release on November 26th.
I saw a bloke this morning throwing cheese at people, I thought thats mature. He then threw one at me, I thought how dairy.
I met a girl in the park the other day.. there was an instant spark between us. She just fell at my feet and as I was 'doing' her I thought.. "Ahh these tazers are well worth the money".
My girlfriend dumped me for being too kinky. It came as a shock, I nearly choked on her shit when she told me.
I get on extremely well with the lesbians next door. They asked me what I would like for my birthday.
I was stunned when they gave me a Rolex.
It was very nice of them, but I think they misunderstood me when I said, "I wanna watch."
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Police in Moss Side have recovered a man's body from the canal dressed in a thong, fishnet tights, high heels, an orange in his mouth and a Man U shirt. Police have removed the shirt so as not to embarrass his family.
I'm not usually one for posting warnings about potential scams but I had a close miss today. I walked into B&Q at lunchtime and some old guy dressed in orange asked me if I wanted decking. Fortunately, I got the first punch in and that was the end of that. Those less suspecting might not be so lucky.. be aware!
Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite - All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary
Got an e-mail today from a bored local housewife, 43, who was looking for some hot action!
So I sent her my ironing. That'll keep the lazy woman busy.
I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.
Well I did say it was the crap joke thread!!
I've just joined a site after seeing a pop up saying 'Meet Lots Of Women In Your Area For Sex Tonight'
The next stage of the application said 'Please Choose: 18-25, 26-33, 34-42, 43-49, Over 50'
I've gone for 43-49 women, over 50 is just being greedy.
Since my mate became a mime, I've not heard from him.
I tried to start a VD clinic from scratch.
Can't believe my Dad was arrested for stealing whilst working as a lolly pop man. Should have known really all the signs were there.
I used to sell chairs....(whispers) under the table.
I was at the baths today & decided to have a sneaky piss in the deep end. The life-guard must have noticed, he blew his whistle so ****ing loud I nearly fell in!!
Just been to the gym. They've got a new machine in. Only used it for half an hour as I started to feel sick. It's great though. It does everything - KitKats, Mars bars, Snickers, Crisps, the lot.
Nintendo are bringing out a game where a 10 year old boy runs around the streets of Glasgow smashing cars, stabbing people & robbing houses. 'Wii Bastard' is due for release on November 26th.
I saw a bloke this morning throwing cheese at people, I thought thats mature. He then threw one at me, I thought how dairy.
I met a girl in the park the other day.. there was an instant spark between us. She just fell at my feet and as I was 'doing' her I thought.. "Ahh these tazers are well worth the money".
My girlfriend dumped me for being too kinky. It came as a shock, I nearly choked on her shit when she told me.
I get on extremely well with the lesbians next door. They asked me what I would like for my birthday.
I was stunned when they gave me a Rolex.
It was very nice of them, but I think they misunderstood me when I said, "I wanna watch."
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Police in Moss Side have recovered a man's body from the canal dressed in a thong, fishnet tights, high heels, an orange in his mouth and a Man U shirt. Police have removed the shirt so as not to embarrass his family.
I'm not usually one for posting warnings about potential scams but I had a close miss today. I walked into B&Q at lunchtime and some old guy dressed in orange asked me if I wanted decking. Fortunately, I got the first punch in and that was the end of that. Those less suspecting might not be so lucky.. be aware!
Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite - All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary
Got an e-mail today from a bored local housewife, 43, who was looking for some hot action!
So I sent her my ironing. That'll keep the lazy woman busy.
I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.
Well I did say it was the crap joke thread!!
